very wise words that need to be spread.
Safewords are important and need to used.
Many use red and yellow since they are easy to remember. Once safewords are established, you need to internalize them. You need to know them by heart and you need to be able to say them in every situation and you must not be afraid to use them. It is important for both, the Dom and the sub, to rely on the sub to voice them whenever she feels truly uncomfortable. That way, the Dom can try anything with her since he knows she will make clear when he goes to far - and she knows that he will respect her limits any time she uses a safeword.
But a simple “no” or “i don’t wanna” is NOT a safeword. It would deprive you of a lot of fun to think of every “no” as a safeword. The bantering “no” that actually is a hidden “yes” can be fun for both and to make her do it nonetheless is part of pushing her limits to allow her to grow.
That is what safewords were invented for. A safeword is an unmistakable “no further” (e.g. yellow) or “too far already” (e.g. red) that cannot be disputed. When the sub feels truly uncomfortable, she needs to say it and the Dom needs to respect it. Period.
It is important to speak about the situation afterwards to make clear to both why the Dom wanted this and why the sub could just not do it. If she used her safeword and he respected it, both reacted as they should. It does not mean the Dom had been a jerk, he had a certain idea but it did not fit the sub, at least not in this situation. It also does not mean the sub was a “bad sub”, contrary, she was a reasonable sub who respects herself and wants to keep a healthy relatioship with her Dom.
Remember your safewords and use them whenever you feel the need for it, don’t be afraid of them!
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